My team has had a lot of countdowns over the last year. Countdown until getting our permanent teams, countdowns until project travel, until driving back to Denver, for being finished working for FEMA and ticking off the endless meetings we attended, and another until each project was finished.

This hour begins our final countdown, with only 23 more hours until we walk across another stage, and I could make a metaphor about all the stages we cross in our lifetimes but I don't want to. I already know that this time I have accomplished something that I hold more dearly than college, despite it lasting less than a fourth of the time. These past 10 months have been the hardest of my life, and must have made me crazier than I was before because I'm currently applying to do it again.

For the last 10 months I have been a participant in AmeriCorps NCCC, the National Civilian Community Corps.

I've planted trees and cut down trees, taught children to enjoy nature, hung cabinets, got more paint on me than what I was painting, created a database, picked up the scattered remains of hurricane victims lives, flared a trail, driven a 15-passenger van, navigated the woods, ran a race, cheered for my team, had a team cheering for me at the finish line, planned an irrigation ditch, leveled a roof, and held a snake. I've laughed so hard I've cried and cried so hard that I thought I would never stop. I've seen disgusting wealth, and heart-wrenching poverty. I've been welcomed into communities that are active and been The Other in a town that is still racially segregated.

It has been frustrating up until its last day, and yet I will return into the world with a smile on my face because I take with me something that defies explanation, however much attempted and how unworthy I feel.

I wish I had written more down (don't we always?) but that is my only regret. I've stopped asking the "What If's" and have accepted what has been and is. It all prepares you for What Will Be.

Never once have I thought twice about serving my country.

I think I understand better the fervor with which people sign on to serve America. This nation is far from perfect, but by stepping forward I do not support the weight of an empire. There is a lot of controversy surrounding AmeriCorps within the national budget, and the debate cheapens the meaning of the signature I put on my acceptance form. I came to put names to some in the endless sea of faces in need of assistance. I came to do the mindless, thankless work that creates institutional and local community foundations.

I came and often did nothing at all, but my presence spoke what my actions could not because, regardless, I came.

I miss writing so much. I miss finding a cool spot to sit at the end of the day and being able to think about all the things I did and all I have left to do and to laugh about it all. I miss ducking into a computer lab or my dorm room to swap stuff out of my backpack and take a breather for a bit and jotting things down so that I won't forget them later. I love writing, have always loved writing, and hopefully I will always appreciate the feel of a pen sliding across paper. :)

My AmeriCorps year is almost over and we're counting down the days! I really think my largest regret is that I didn't write about more of my experiences, but I learned so much that I really just think I learned a very little.

On the bright side, I've now recorded for posterity that the barista in this coffee shop is certifiably crazy.

Crazy! The fact that he's looking to be a theatre major explains a LOT though. Ah, the heart of Texas, you constantly amuse this damn Yankee.

Round 2 of AmeriCorps has taken my team into Texas. We spent the first four weeks doing long-term recovery assistance in Galveston, helping the community's recovery committee map goals and projects for the redevelopment of their island.

It was a unique experience, seeing people come out and really make an effort to support their community. There were elderly citizens, and students, and people who are well known (former mayors and council members), people who you'd think wouldn't give the time of day (business CEOs and restaurant owners), and average mothers and single fathers and realtors and teachers.

We agreed that as wandering young adults, most of us just post-college and still baffled by the idea of settling down, we never would have realized the importance of involvement in town/city affairs. I'd like to think this is a lesson that we will carry with us outside of this program.

Right now we're in Austin, and if this hippie town were anywhere else, I'd actually consider moving here. I love that it defies stereotypes, I love how very weird it is, and I really wish our project wasn't the pits so that we could enjoy it just that little bit more.

We watched Into the Wild this afternoon and I cried a lot. Some of it was the story. Some of it was longing for the mountains. A lot of it was that if I closed my eyes, I could pretend that I was back at Paradise, and the Ranger Show would be playing, and I would open my eyes and see the family I had found there, see the cedar posts and the desk and I would hear the crackling of a fire, just made. And I opened my eyes and none of that was there. And I was instead just watching a depiction of someone who lived the life. Granted, I don't necessarily agree with his means, but the idea of just leaving and going out there ... it's tempting. :)

Traveling so frequently has completely thrown me for a loop. Only in AmeriCorps could I say something such as "Today I woke up in Texas, will go to sleep in Colorado, and I spent my morning driving through a snow squall in New Mexico."

Only, that was yesterday. :)

Today I'm going out to explore and enjoy the snow. And be lazy. And not have a plan! In this plan ... I am planless! And somehow, I'm going to get used to the fact that it was 60 degrees where I was last week. And this morning, it was 5 degrees. And I don't have a winter coat. However, I have many layers, and few people in this program realize that proper layers are almost better.

I love love love looking outside and seeing everything dusted in white. I love the crunch under my shoes, and the sparkle when the sunlight hits snow. I keep thinking that I'll wake up tomorrow and it will all be gone.

Aaaaand, I'm going to go catch my bus. Because I missed the last one, and looked foolish trudging back into the building when I came back.

Happy Tuesday!

Today we drove around and found civilization in the form of stores. This year's holiday presents will look like scarves and hemp bracelets because we have nothing else to do besides hike and turn to crafts in the evenings.

I lost two hours of my life as we watched some horror movie thing on Lifetime that must have made me dumber because after the first ten minutes I didn't get up immediately and move.

Family Guy made up for it though.

I just don't understand the closed captioning. The TVs in the volunteer center are set to display CC because the room is so loud. So it's interesting to see how they describe instrumental and visual gags.

For the moment when they played the 'screech-screech' from Psycho, that's exactly how it was described - as the horror sounds from the bathroom scene in Psycho.

So later in the episode, there was another gag, featuring 'Morning Mood' from Peer Gynt. This was labeled as 'forest music' or something akin to that.

So, if one was deaf or unable to hear it, they would appreciate the Psycho reference, but they can't have the notation that the other piece was Grieg? No comprendo. Silly captions. It's really interesting to watch things in English with CC turned on.

Also? The scarf I'm working on is fuzzy! Yay, fuzz!

Why on Earth did I sign up for NaNoWriMo?

Oh, right. I thought it would be superb motivation to get back into the swing of organized writing.

::fail::

I can't find a single thing to write about. And then I'll think of something silly, write a bit and then crash again. There's only so much you can write about a banana.

As far as the rest of it goes? I'm suddenly exciting. I had the best summer vacation of my entire life, working in a national park on a mountain, and I still wake up homesick for it most mornings.

At the moment, I'm in Louisiana doing long-term hurricane disaster recovery with AmeriCorps*NCCC.

And... writing about bananas.

So once upon a time, there was A Little Monkey Who Could. And she tried and tried to do something different. And then she stopped trying. And just did something different. She went all the way across her own country and lived in the woods with no cell phones and no internet. And her life changed.

I am having the best time. Time goes slowly, but the days fly by. I'm working in a national park in Washington at a lodge and ... I don't have words. I get up to the sun shining on glistening mountain peaks, and hike home to the moon reflecting against the snow, and more stars than I've ever seen, dotting the sky. We're still under about 10-15 feet of snow, but half an hour down the mountain are trails through the most lush forest. The sound of trickling water is everywhere, and the air is clean.

Some days are lonely. Some are frustrating. Some days I wonder if, after three more months of working hospitality, if I'll still like people.

The other days I feel incredibly gifted.

I uploaded a few photos, some from Seattle, and some from the mountain here, http://s239.photobucket.com/albums/ff118/simchamonkey/washington/

That's it for now, folks! Enjoy your summers!

Graduation Day!

... There probably won't be a giant snake (bummer), but Rebecca Lobo is our speaker (awesomeness).

In our awkward fourth-grade basketball team where I was the only female, I didn't really know jack about the game but I saw her and saw that girls could do anything. Especially if they were tall. Which I, apparently, was fated to not ever be. :)

A day for me, I likes it! Lets start this shindig.

hOmg, two exams down and two to go. i am less than eighteen hours away from being done with college.

... what better way to go out than with pizza and an all-nighter?

zzzz!eleventy.

... So I am done with classes, spent my last Shabbat at Hillel, and graduate in approximately 185 hours.

If only there weren't four exams standing in between me and that mortarboard.

*hides in the studycave*

I ken have coffee nows, plz?

So apparently I adopted "spontaneous" as my middle name.

From the same woman that brought you "... I can't sleep. I should take a trip. Hey, let's go to Turkey next week," this week's special feature is "Let's see where the internets will send me for the summer: Project East of Nowhere."

I applied for a summer job online. Some crazy mountain man spoke to me for five minutes and maybe he didn't have enough crazy mountain air, because he offered me a job in said same phone call that I then spent all weekend swearing that I must have imagined.

Somehow... I ended up with what seems like the world's coolest summer job, working at a mountain lodge in Mt. Rainier National Park. To which one of my friends gave a mighty *headdesk* and said, "Couldn't you have chosen somewhere that isn't an active volcano? ... Oh, wait. It's you. Nevermind. Volcano away."

However, I have done my research (better late than never, yes?) and now scoff since there is less danger as the thing hasn't erupted in over a century.

[Insert your own homemade remark about disappointment over non- explosive summer adventures]

On the other hand, I'm finally over my jet-lag from last week, but I haven't come close to making up all the work I missed while I was away. I have an exam tomorrow morning that I'm about only half-ready for, and a paper due that isn't even started. And then another paper which I haven't finished the book for.

So I leave the week of graduation. And come back the week before AmeriCorps. Add in one slight cross-country trip for a wedding in August (holy shit, I have friends getting married already - I'm not ready for this), and voila, instant Spifftastic-ery Adventure, Party of One.

Did I mention that I'm graduating? This journal also isn't ready to see another graduation yet.

In more down-to-earth news, I have earrings that are zippers. Carry on about your Monday.

A week from now I'm going to be in Turkey. Actually, I'll be in the World's Longest Layover in London, but factor in the time difference, and then I'll be in Turkey.

It's amazing, because I remember leaving and having an extra five lira and thinking, "Darn, I'll probably never get to come back to use this!"

And it's ironic, because I spent this weekend making up the five chapters I was behind in my Middle Eastern history class - and it was all on the Ottoman Empire. And places I am actually going to get to SEE that have layers and layers of history. Like an onion! Only I don't like onions, so more like a LAYER cake!

I can taste the apple tea already. It is ridiculous how excited I am. Probably because being in the States makes me feel trapped. And bogged down. And without decent tea.

I have severe wanderlust and I'm not sure this is a bad thing. :)

We do highs and lows at staff meetings, but if I were an optimistic individual, I would probably call them highs and not-so-highs.

On the not-so-high note would be:
- How perpetually behind I am in school work (This is the problem when the majority of your work is reading: there is little motivation to stay ahead).
- Also the guy who hit on me at work this evening. This was an altogether creepy-sketch event because I sit on a phone and call prospective students, and every now and again there is the random randy high school boy who thinks it is cool to get his suave on whilst on the phone, and really, it's just mock-worthy.
- My residents are insane. I swear that my placement letter said Snow Hall, and not The Zoo.

In the high category is:
- I found pictures of where I am going to be this fall and I had my breath taken away. And then that pang of Need To Be There Now.
- My original spring break plans fell through, but I found something even better. This is ironic because we were talking about my destination in class today, before I had bought my ticket, and I felt so awed by my professor's stories that I again felt the pang of Need To Be There Now. And in two weeks, I will be.

Rounding out my outstanding post of glee is that somewhere, and I don't know if I wrote about this yet, I made a friend. The type of friend that you make for life. The type of friend that your aunt or uncle or parent talks about that they made in college, many years ago, and they still visit and stay in touch, decades later. And I've never had a boyfriend, but I imagine that this is what it is like. Someone that you see or talk to every day. That you share the minutiae with because they want to hear it. Someone that knows what you need before you even know you need it, but not all the time, meaning that there is still this exciting learning curve that makes things interesting. I've never known anyone that I could spend hours with, still have something to talk about, and be so at ease with. What did I do before? How is it fair that we went three years and never crossed paths? (The funny part is that we actually did meet a year and a half ago, but it was by chance)

That isn't to say that things aren't incredibly difficult sometimes. But I feel so ridiculously gifted that I don't know how to express it. I give back in spades, but to actually be satisfied? It's like wearing a shirt that looks like it should fit and then putting it on and realizing that it's cut all wrong, so you pull and adjust and stretch and it.

Until you realize that it is the new style and it is supposed to be baggy in all the wrong places and that oddly-placed seams are the new black. Thanks, Old Navy, for allowing me a 2-for-1 slight on both contentedness and the shirt you sent me that I swear will never look "right". :)

Things done today:

- Slept through my alarm
- Studied for one mega super Hebrew exam
- Smuggled a bagel loaded with cream cheese and lox out of the dining hall
- Spent three hours in the library working on a paper
- Fiddled my thumbs for three hours while at work
- Gave up on fiddling and ended up online somewhere and buying two shirts

That ... counts as somewhat productive, yes?

Also, am waiting on an email to tell me if I did something incredibly stupid. Something tells me I shouldn't need an email to confirm this fact.

Six hours of telecounseling is six too many. I'm going stir crazy. FreeRice.com kept me occupied for the first two hours, but now I've given up. Can I goes home now, plz?

eta: the person I was just on the phone with said "aight" and I had to mute the phone I was giggling so hard. It wasn't even funny. I am antsy and silly now! I officially am done for the day.

Today was one of those supertastic amazing days that comes around rarely, goes by quickly, and I have an exam tomorrow that I can't bring myself to sit still long enough to study for.

Since I randomly had my only class today canceled, I had planned on spending my morning studying, my afternoon writing a paper, and then having a relaxing evening.

It never works out that way, does it?

I ended up having an impromptu road trip to Manchester with my Hall Director to return some equipment from a program. She is one of those amazing people who is astoundingly fun and upbeat, despite the fact that she has it pretty rough otherwise. We ended up connecting on a level that I really appreciated, and it's weird because I do have some amazing friends, but not everyone can understand situations like my crazy home life, and she does.

Afterwards, I had a crazy road trip in the other direction of this silly state with two friends. We stopped at CVS where I ran into a really good friend, drove S to the hospital and then to a clinic (arm injury) and then we all went to a really nice restaurant. It is ridiculous how monotonous the college bubble can be that I appreciated a simple dinner out.

Even our staff meeting this evening was bearable, despite the fire drill (and the fact that out of 14 floors apparently my residents were the only ones in our area to fail) halfway through. And I have a Sushi-Rolling program tomorrow night.

And said exam. Ack!

So I stopped what I was doing because I had a random thought (actually, if I stopped each time that happened, I truly would never get anything done. I'd have the monopoly on the Underachiever Award, unless random thinking was an award category, in which case the trophy would be mine) and made a post and realized that I never made my insanely super huge and big and wonderful post.

That could be partial hyperbole. It's big. But not as big as the big Ad.

Last week I was accepted to Americorps*NCCC and will be heading out to Denver in October.

In a development that was actually not ironic, I signed on to work for the government and already had bureaucratic issues before I had actually, you know, signed on. It was strange - getting the letter but not really getting the letter - but as the week wore on it slowly dawned on me that this is really happening. I remember posting about it years (yes! plural!) ago. I'm terrified, and hyper excited, and obsessively check the mail for the welcome packet, and am counting down the days until this fall.

There's just this little matter of Graduation first. But who cares about that? :)

And, naturally, the duck said "Moo!"

I was reading this morning for my class on Modern Middle East history and something I came across ( reminded me of Israel. )

Imagine a moment where nothing moves. Imagine a moment where you are not simply yourself but part of a larger whole, not lost among it but an integral part of what makes it a whole.

I think I just miss a culture where there is a tendency to remember that things shouldn't be taken for granted. I miss being somewhere where the greatest single simultaneous moment we have as a nation isn't watching a sports event on a Sunday afternoon, but instead as part of something that means something.

On a side note, I think I'm really looking forward to leaving New England. I've always joked that I could never live anywhere else, but I think I desperately need the time to see something else, move a bit slower again.

Also, I'm fighting a cold and the cold is winning. On the other hand, I have apparently surrounded myself with smart friends who both diagnosed what I had, what ingredients should be in the medicine I bought, and what remedies I should be looking into in all the other times of the day. Which isn't to say that this is rocket science. It just means that everyone is studying useful things in college, while I'm learning how to be a more jaded individual.

Today was the world's longest day.

I'm not sure why I'm surprised anymore when everything falls into one day, because it's the law of averages or the law of the land or maybe just bad karma. Or duck imbalances. As in, there are more ducks on the left than monkeys on the right, and did I mention how many hours I've gone now without sleep?

Highlights included: an intensely emotional time last night, a roadtrip to the airport at 7:30 this morning, visit to the police station #1, being put on hold for fifteen minutes during a long-distance call, a really bad scene in which I snapped at someone I shouldn't have, realizing that I'm so stressed that I lost my student ID, tearing apart my room for said ID, going to a class I'm really excited about and getting MORE excited, attempting to replace said student ID but realizing that I was one dollar short of the replacement fee, going to the library instead because I needed a book only to realize halfway up the stairs that no ID=no book, more class, almost an hour calling back and forth with New York and D.C. pleading my case for my program next year, running all the way across campus for police station visit #2 (which included scolding this time from an irritated and unfriendly officer), being forced to eat a granola bar during a very graphic Holocaust film because people thought I was bothered by the images when in reality I simply realized I had legitimately forgotten to eat all day which given the context of the situation is both ironic and heartless, two hours of work, and then running back to my building for a residence hall program that my residents all (ALL) refused to attend.

In theory, I could have simply written all that out in sentences.

The program went really well, despite my floor inactivity. We had a challenge to see who could eat 2 slices of bread or six saltines in a minute, both without drinks. It sounds so easy and is actually so hard. One girl did the saltines and both me and one other guy finished the bread.

And I finished today off with a letter to the person I snapped at this morning. Only, it meant to be a letter and ended up a book, and now I'm nervous because I tend to pour out my heart and um, hello, I need that, sort of.

I should not be allowed the usage of words after midnight. Srsly. On the other hand, tomorrow should have good news.

I've been really down on this semester. There is this perception of senior year of college being one long party (and it is for many of my residents) but I think we're not on the same train. Somehow it seems like I've been here forever, and yet I can remember the day I moved in, freshman year, like it happened last week.

Instead, I'm rather off on my own. One of my closest friends moved off campus, and everyone else is involved in finishing off rigorous programs. I'm kind of over here, trying to find more classes to take to occupy my time, convinced this is my last chance to cheat the system and dabble in everything.

Some moments are really weird. Like when I come back to my room at 4 and 5 p.m. and nobody is around to do anything with, except the residents who call me "The RA" rather than a person with a name who think that it is a perfect time to start a party.

And other moments are really nice. My evening went pear-shaped, and I ended up in the duty office, where we had leftover cake from someone's birthday, and a crazy conversation that went off on a tangent and ended in the World's Greatest Residence Hall Program, which we planned for Wednesday night. Apparently there are these crazy food myths out there, that you can't eat more than seven Saltines or have two slices of white bread in a minute without liquids. I ended up doing rounds with another RA as we hung up signs for our super program, and then had a really good phone conversation that made me smile.

And that's the state of me. I'm giving Anthropology classes another go. I'm going to work more evenings and hopefully set aside enough extra funds to go to Israel at some point before summer. And I'm going to find something to do this semester that is simply for me, for absolutely no reason other than the fact that I can.

Schools are so much better when there are no people around. It's funny, so many students spend their semesters complaining about food and shared bathrooms and noisy neighbors and how they can't wait to be home, and I'm the exact opposite. Coming back to those things makes me feel at home. It was the greatest feeling yesterday, walking around campus and being without strings and things to do. I've always said that my ideal vacation is one in which I have nothing to do.

Of course, being a nerd weighs higher, and today I got a list of books for a couple of my classes, and checked all the ones out that the library carried. I love the beginning of the semester. New things to learn, whole semesters ahead of us, and for now at least, it is quiet. Except for the person in a nearby building playing a violin, but that's okay, because it isn't as though it's interrupting anything.

Reading, walking around campus, and finally getting to watch Bones, which I absolutely fell in love with = perfect winter break.

This semester is going to be so different. So many things are changed. I also can't believe I graduate in May. Insane.